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2004-08-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: agg no one talks here!
2004-08-02 [Indigo Butterfly]: I know, :-\
2004-08-02 [tears of the mist]: hi..
2004-08-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeah .. well .. hi
2004-08-02 [tears of the mist]: ? *looks blank*
2004-08-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: lol .. uhh .. hows it goin guys ?
2004-08-02 [tears of the mist]: *shrugs* ok i guess.... u?
2004-08-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: eh im just .. blah .
2004-08-02 [tears of the mist]: what?
2004-08-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: nothing ....
2004-08-02 [tears of the mist]: oh.. okay..
2004-08-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeps
2004-08-03 [Erin go Bragh]: ,.../.
2004-08-04 [Darkside Of Ambition]: ...
2004-08-04 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: ....
2004-08-04 [Darkside Of Ambition]: we dont talk much here do we?
2004-08-04 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: no not anymore ..
2004-08-04 [Darkside Of Ambition]: fun
2004-08-04 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: o yeah .. loads!
2004-08-04 [Darkside Of Ambition]: haha
2004-08-04 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: so uh . hows it goin ?
2004-08-05 [SPAGHeddy]: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
2004-08-05 [Darkside Of Ambition]: blah... you know the usual
2004-08-05 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: o yeah ..
2004-08-05 [Darkside Of Ambition]: mmmhm...hows bout you?
2004-08-06 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: eh im ok .. just bored as hell and watching tv
2004-08-06 [Darkside Of Ambition]: fun shit
2004-08-06 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: o yeah .. very fun !!
2004-08-06 [Darkside Of Ambition]: lol
2004-08-07 [bethbutterfly]: I made a badge, but I don't really know how to put it up (with elftown as the host). Anyone willing to help?
2004-08-07 [VorpalBlade910]: Place the picture in the area to add in pictures in your house, than just the stationary right click, properties, and ET will be the host of the pic in the adress
2004-08-15 [warewolflords girl]: came i join
2004-08-19 [woundedsoul]: hello everyone. wow, I havn't shown up in a while... how are we all, still sad?
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: *walks in* hey ^^
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: I added a new page for all the members.. smart, huh?
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: yup
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: ^_^ so you're one of the depressed ones?
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: yup ^^
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: there seems to be quite many of you, judging from the member list...
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: yeah...... *smiles softly*
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: fortunately, I'm hardly ever depressed... but I can understand why people are....
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: me too... I am depressed sometimes but not all the time.
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: that's reasonable... it's hard to be depressed all the time^_^
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: ^_^ *hugz Dis*
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: *hugs back* so.. did you join once you were really depressed, or just because you know you are depressed sometimes?
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: once when i was really depressed.
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: thought so...
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: .... i'd rather forget it .........
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: then we shall talk about something else! ^_^
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: ^_^
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: um... but what?
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: um............
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: indeed!! *hails the purple hippo, who by the way is called Bribbo*
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: ^^
2004-08-19 [Elegy - gone]: well... me gots to go now... so I'll leave you and all the other depressed people alone^_^ hehe... bye bye *huggles*
2004-08-19 [tears of the mist]: *huggels back* bai dis
2004-08-20 [BarleySinger]: *hails the purple hippo!!! ...<slips in a pile of purple hippo poo, falls under purple hippo and is squished>
2004-08-23 [fjdka]: y do they give u depression pills?? they don't work!
2004-08-23 [tears of the mist]: Miranda?
2004-08-24 [fjdka]: hmm?
2004-08-24 [living dead girl666]: depression pills dont work ..i agree with that
2004-08-24 [fjdka]: yup yup
2004-08-24 [SPAGHeddy]: the pills are just to get your mind going so that you think that they work...theyre just like placebo
2004-08-25 [fjdka]: but they don't and never will
2004-08-25 [tears of the mist]: mhmm..
2004-08-25 [BarleySinger]: Pills for depression work in different ways. Different ones work for different people. The object is to stop "chemical depression" in which a person is stuck in a cycle of brain chemistry induced depression. They are not supposed to be used on people who are depressed because of real circumstances, or at least not for very long and not without close supervision. Dealing with the causes of circumstantial (exogenous) depression is the only way to solve that kind of depression. There is no happy pill that perfectly takes away the pain of being abused, raped, etc. But docs don't like that idea so they prescribe them anyway.
2004-08-25 [tears of the mist]: ..............
2004-08-26 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: depression pills DO work for some people. my best freind was clinicaly depressed. they put her on depression pills and u can notice a change in just the way she sees the world...
2004-08-26 [bethbutterfly]: Wow, vodka is my new friend :-D It takes away all your worries and makes you happy!
2004-08-26 [tears of the mist]: yes, but it will also make you die
2004-08-27 [bethbutterfly]: Well I am going to die anyways, might as well live life while ya can
2004-08-27 [fjdka]: i waz on the highest dose for zoloft and it still didn't help... how many more do i have to go thru??????????
2004-08-27 [tears of the mist]: :s
2004-08-28 [bethbutterfly]: Call me crazy, but what is zoloft?
2004-08-28 [MissAJLawson]: Zoloft is a medicine for people with extream anxiety and depression.
2004-08-29 [fjdka]: don't work..
2004-08-29 [MissAJLawson]: No it donsent it dose help on fatigue though...or did you not notice the extra ENERGY...lol..
2004-08-29 [fjdka]: lol
2004-08-29 [MissAJLawson]: :P....you know what works well....for depression that is...... heres a hint...starts with a s and ends with a x....and it only three little letters long....lol...
2004-08-29 [fjdka]: of course, thought of that already...cept that im honest w/ my b/f that lives 4 hours away from me... so it's kinda hard. and i aint gonna cheat on him, ever!! *luvs zach*
2004-08-29 [MissAJLawson]: That very smart. SO whats the cause for your depression
2004-08-30 [bethbutterfly]: At least you have a boyfriend
2004-08-30 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: heh i wouldnt say that .. the reason im depressed is cuz of my boyfriend
2004-08-30 [bethbutterfly]: Then break up with him? Not that I know what the problem is or anything, so don't listen to me :-P
2004-08-30 [bethbutterfly]: I have an awesome badge in my house, but I still don't know how to get it up in here, I am retarded. What do y'all think of it?
2004-08-30 [Elegy - gone]: I put your badge/banner thingy up... hope you don't mind^_^
2004-08-30 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: heh .. [bethbutterfly] u and him think alike .. the reason y i was depressed was becuz mi havent talked him for a while ... but i did call him last night .. and he wa slike im suprised u havent broken up with me since we havent talked in a while .. hes just been busy i guess .. so i said we can work around it some how ....
2004-08-31 [bethbutterfly]: Yeah, thanks amaranthine. And poison, hope you two get it all worked out.
2004-08-31 [fjdka]: least it's not long distance*dammi
2004-08-31 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: heh well actually .. it is long distance .. im in fl .. and hes in tx ... tho i go out there evrysummer..bu
2004-08-31 [MissAJLawson]: Yea i agree with Miranda. My boyfriends in the process of going in the army so hes really busy so i dont get to see him as much as i want. I do get to see him though....and im sure he'll make time as soon as he can
2004-08-31 [bethbutterfly]: My boyfriend is always close, he's in my imagination ;)
2004-08-31 [Elegy - gone]: veldig lurt eddie^_^ det med egen side for badgene... vil du forresten ha denne siden tilbake?
2004-08-31 [Little Red Ridinghood]: vet ikke helt.. bestem du...
2004-08-31 [Elegy - gone]: nei, det må du bestemme^_^ det er helt det samme for meg! bare si ifra hvis du vil ha noen av de andre wiki-ene tilbake også
2004-08-31 [Little Red Ridinghood]: m'm.. samma for meg hvem som eier dem liksom...
2004-08-31 [Elegy - gone]: sånn... nå er du den stolte eier av denne wiki^_^
2004-08-31 [Little Red Ridinghood]: hehe.. thanks..
2004-08-31 [Elegy - gone]: bare hyggelig^_^ den er jo egentlig din
2004-08-31 [Little Red Ridinghood]: ja.. første wikien jeg lagde.. og grunnen til at jeg ble kjent med mattias!!!:D
2004-08-31 [Elegy - gone]: et sted av betydning altså^_^
2004-08-31 [Little Red Ridinghood]: jupp.. :P
2004-08-31 [Elegy - gone]: hehe^_^
2004-09-01 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: uhhhh ....
2004-09-02 [bethbutterfly]: ... *blink* Okay...
2004-09-02 [fjdka]: i don't know wut u all r saying *confused* X{
2004-09-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: me either . im lost and confused
2004-09-02 [bethbutterfly]: Lost and confused.. hey, I am eating a cheese and ketchup tortilla everyone, yay!
2004-09-02 [Little Red Ridinghood]: we are talking norwegian.. and we are just talking about the page and stuff.. and now im the allmighty boss(again)! so be nice!
2004-09-02 [fjdka]: im alwayz nice... as long as u don't piss me off*wink*famil
2004-09-02 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: lol
2004-09-03 [bethbutterfly]: *bows to the almighty boss* We aren't worthy!!!! We are worms!!!!
2004-09-03 [BarleySinger]: I don't speak Norweigen. English, a bit of German (was ist los?), and unfortunatly my dad never learned swedish from his parents, or grandparents who immigrated to the US. My wife keeps trying to get me to pick up more french. I should really apply myself to it, but I just can't get the accent unless I am singing. Now that we live in Australia I keep thinking of learning one of the local languages. When we finally buy a place in the country I will give it a go...if nothing else as a sign of respect - there are just so few people left who speak indigenous languages due to the genocide.
2004-09-03 [BarleySinger]: You can always try a simple language transation program for some languages ( http://babelfi
2004-09-03 [Little Red Ridinghood]: thats all crapy.. beeeelive me...!
2004-09-03 [fire sign]: I just wanna know how you make the fun o's><
2004-09-04 [bethbutterfly]: I've just had the worst night ever :(
2004-09-04 [tears of the mist]: me too.. sorry carry on
2004-09-04 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: oh may i ask y ?
2004-09-04 [bethbutterfly]: To make it short, a friend and I had been drinking, my friend's cousin came with us to run to circle K so he could buy more beer, a DPS pulled us over because I didn't have lights on my license plate, it turns out my friend's cousin was a sex offender and we had no idea, and my friend and I are both busted for drinking (underage) and now we've got to go to court and everything, it is such a terrible mess :(
2004-09-04 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: oh .. wow
2004-09-04 [tears of the mist]: whoa..
2004-09-05 [PaniC PronE]: how did that come up?
2004-09-05 [fire sign]: damn...I is sorry
2004-09-05 [fjdka]: not fun...
2004-09-06 [bethbutterfly]: Meh, whatever, I don't care anymore. Did you know that already 7000 people in the US have been caught DUI just this weekend? Wowie, it's a good thing I wasn't driving. Well oh well, what happens happens. :-P So how is all your labor day weekends so far?
2004-09-06 [fire sign]: I'm going to sick my head in pudding catch you cows later
2004-09-06 [tears of the mist]: bai
2004-09-07 [fjdka]: i had to work. clean up after CONCERT pplz... im a housekeeper at a hotel... 31 checkouts... got out 2day at 5:00PM... damn
2004-09-07 [greyhart]: I've been reading this page for a long time now and I'm not sure if anyone prays but there is a girl on Elftown who has posted that she wants to kill herself, she's not logged on but if she comes back maybe someone could leave her a note in her guestbook...[Relfrome], thanks...I just stumbled over her page...there are probably others though who feel the same
2004-09-07 [BarleySinger]: There are a lot of very hurt people on elftown. Often people who are really hurting fixate on fantasy to avoid a painful reality. That is a part of why there are so many hangin out here. Unfortunatly avoiding reality by fixating on fantasy it does not really work. Pretending that you are a necromancer does not keep a perveted parent from coming into your room at night to mollest you. Facing the reality of problems can help - running from reality never does.
2004-09-07 [BarleySinger]: And [bethbutterfly] you might not agree with the laws on underaged drinking but they are real, and getting caught has consequences that are often not worth the trouble. You are 17 and not a physical match for a lot of people even when sober, and drinking makes people easy prey. I have to wonder if you have any idea how much danger you were in being in a compromised condition (drinking) in the car with a dangerous pervert. Please be careful and less trusting of people. Being assaulted is never a persons fault but it can cause a lot of pain. There are more preditors in the world than people know, dangerous people, and gazelle who pretend there are no lions, end up as lunch.
2004-09-07 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: barley singer. how was she supposed to kno that she was in the car with a pervert. some people u just cant tell. some people are good people some arent...
2004-09-08 [fjdka]: true... true...
2004-09-08 [MissAJLawson]: i have to say i agree with barleysinger..
2004-09-08 [fjdka]: also very true...
2004-09-08 [bethbutterfly]: My life is falling apart lately :( First the minor for drinking which was stupid of me and was my own damn fault. Did I mention my great grandma died? And now the one guy I like at work and that cheers me up every day, the one guy that makes me look forward to being there and keeps me excited for the next day to come just so I get to see him, he has just made me so much happier lately and keeps me smiling all the time.. and now he's been fired. He's gone just like that and being truthfully honest, I am never going to get to see him again.. :'( Everything really loves me lately eh? I'm such a screwed up person, not that I deserved knowing him anyways.
2004-09-08 [bethbutterfly]: Ps. I'm sorry for complaining about my miserable little life when I know not a single one of you wants to hear about my problems, I really understand that I am just another rambling person feeling sorry for myself blah blah blah.. but that isn't the case. Not so much I am sorry for myself so much as it being the fact that I don't have much in my life to care for (besides my cat, she loves me no matter what ^_^, ) it is just I feel so low, helpless, worthless even, I can't even describe it. I don't know.. I do apologize though :( Plus, I have no one else to talk to, so you guys are it.
2004-09-08 [Little Red Ridinghood]: ur welcome to talk here.. and i like reading about other ppl problems and things that happends to them in life.. every1 can talk here.. about everything.. i care about u all :)
2004-09-08 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeah same here .. i dont mind listening .. cuz thats all i can really do to help .. and i have major break downs all the time . and there i am pouring my whole life and feelings out to some random person . wh o i dunno if they care or not .
2004-09-08 [Little Red Ridinghood]: well.. be my guest! hehe..
2004-09-09 [fire sign]: I love you !!
2004-09-09 [fjdka]: i'd rather tell all my problems to pplz i don't know than the pplz i do know. Have ne of u noticed that guy friends r much better than girls??? they rn't as emotional and actually listen
2004-09-09 [Miss.Kayree]: some guys are emotional.. and i love them for it... emotional girls are just.. annoying...
2004-09-09 [bethbutterfly]: I wish I had guy friends :( Anyways, my mom is mad at me again for the stupidest reason!! She is mad because I like talking to the mormon missionaries and I read from the book of mormon because "the book of mormon isn't right blah blah blah" and that is stupid because it isn't like she ever made us read from the bible or go to church or anything so that makes me so mad that she cares that I am trying to learn about stuff like that arg! *takes a big breath* That was a long run-on sentence!
2004-09-09 [Little Red Ridinghood]: hehe.. my parents once hit me with the bible.. coz i read it.. i liked the storys! but eeh.. parents sucks..
2004-09-09 [Miss.Kayree]: my parents dont care, lol
2004-09-09 [Little Red Ridinghood]: lucky u!!
2004-09-09 [Miss.Kayree]: em.. kinda....
2004-09-09 [BarleySinger]: Well, the bible is pretty nasty stuff to read after all. There is Lot who gave his 2 virgin daughters to a rape gang, the story of the two girls who get their father drunk and boff him because there are no men to marry in the area, the story of the king who does a human sacacrifice to god on the wall of Jerusalem to try and get god to help him not be conquerd (the enemy left in disgust), there are poems (psalms) about how wonderful it is to bash out babies brains on the rocks for god. The main difference between mormonism and xianity is a touch more racism, and that mormon MEN get to be gods of their own planets if they are good enough mormons. They get celestial wives too.
2004-09-09 [BarleySinger]: As for the "guy friend" thing [fjdka], a lot of the guys I've known who "listened" a lot were doing it to get into somebodies pants. Not all, but a lot. Regardless of the that being true or false, men and women think differently (it is the testosterone). Guys are usually not very good at "valuation listening" where the goal is to let the person talk about their feelings and vent, and not "fix things". The "blokeish thing to do" is not not worry about "feelings" and concentrate on problem solving. It tends to get us in trouble at times.
2004-09-09 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: wow ... u guys are good at this .. ima have to learn to express feelings . then i come to u guys for help .. lately ive just been having a lot of emotional break downs .. and have been crying my selfto sleep . seemed to work for a lil ..
2004-09-09 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: i cry myself to sleep everynight. i just want to die. underneath all the pain... i just dont kno who i am anymore
2004-09-10 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeah ... ive nvr really understood myself .. and any of the feelings i feel .. ive been getting really depressed with stuff about my boyfriend . and i just dont know how to talk to hima bout it . cuz i have a have a hard a hard time explaining things .. and all .. and just yeah ..and n noe im about to have another emotional break down .an di have n idea what to do
2004-09-10 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: yea im resorting to my last option after a suicide attempt last night...
2004-09-10 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: oh hmm .. havnet gotten there lately .. to scared to let so many ppl down . made to many promices .. but may i ask what ur last resort is ? ... and and one more thing to add to my depresseing night .. i now cant call my boyfriend .. cuz his mom got his cell bill .. long story .. but now i am so screwed . anothe rlong story
2004-09-11 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: my last resort is outside help. im not going to this guy at the school named kopack. i dk what that will do... but its better than sitting around waiting to die
2004-09-11 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: oh . yeah .. i thought about that . but my boyfriend thinks this is just a "teen stage" .. so . who knows ..
2004-09-11 [fjdka]: see....[BarleySinger], most of the guy friends i have r onez that i grew up with... sum of em when we were babies... i trust em... plus i have a b/f that'll kick their ass if they try nething. guyz have good shoulder's to cry on, they comfort u, girls do to but get wwwaaayyy too emotional about it. like they cry cuz i wanna kill myself and shit like that. my guyz don't do that. i guess they're a little different, at least mine.
2004-09-11 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: hmm yeah .. it goes both ways .. i have guy friends who will try to help . and other ones who tell me to suck it uo . and say it sonly a teen stage and that im not the only one feeling this way and all .. well that sure as hell doesnt help .. especially when its ut bf telling u that
2004-09-11 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: i started crying today cause im scared that ill end up killing myself. i was with him and he just pulled me into his arms and was just like shhh... its ok... its ok... im here for you. my boyfriend is great. and one of my guy friends used to cut so he knos what im going through... but he also tried to kill himself last night... i dont kno why... he took 30 tylonal. i was so scared when i heard that. i love my guys... *hugs pat (bf)*
2004-09-11 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: aww . yeah .. over the summer my friend took like 48 pills .. tho it didnt do much but raise her pulse or something .. i did have a real good friend who went through a lot . and i could talk to him about anything .. and iloved him like my brother . but then his mom selled their comp . so i havent talked to him ina long time . and since then ive been holding my feelings in and all . untill recently when it started gtting to much and id have emotional breakdowns ..
2004-09-11 [BarleySinger]: Well [fjdka] and [Our Lady of Sorrow] the whole wanting to die thing...having been there, it was (for me) a lot more like wanting the pain to stop and not knowing any other way to make it happen. There are other ways, I know that now...but they involve "truth", usually the truth that I could not see because of how I was trained not to see it. Sometimes it is the truth we are running from, the truth that hurts too much to talk about, that is the thing we have to open up to in order to stop hurting. There is a place on the other side of that pain, where you live instead of die. "And you shall know the truth...and the truth shall really piss you off"...
2004-09-11 [BarleySinger]: ...and then you scream and cry and get kind of nuts, think about dying from time to time, and get more pissed off as you understand things you had no idea about, and then understand more and more about why you felt like dying and bit by bit learn to cope - and the doors of reality open. At least that's how it worked for me. There is a line in a song "open up to pain or the big love will miss your heart". People don't have painful emotions for no reason. I had to find the reason, admit it to myself, and to other people. There is nothing in the world that is so bad that it is worth taking to the grave as a secret - especially if it sends you to that grave if you bottle it up.
2004-09-11 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: wow ..
2004-09-11 [BarleySinger]: There are teen moody things [Oh! Its a Riot xx] but THIS big thing isn't the same thing. People don't want to self destruct without it being something real. Your average teenager gets moody and angry and pissed off what with all the fucking hormones and being old enough to really understand bits of how screwed up the world really is (and who made it that screwed up)...but there is more than. If a person seriously thinks about suicide, tries it, is a cutter (or other self injury), or spends their time at the bottom of a bottle (or sucking on a pipe, or sucking other things way too often) so it won't hurt so much - there are real reasons, ones other people have too.
2004-09-11 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeah .. i know .. i was just going through a tough time . and i tried to talk to my boyfriend about it .. and all he tols mw was that it was a teen stage .. and iwa sjust saying that that didnt really help ..
2004-09-12 [BarleySinger]: I was trying to get across the idea that not everyone is just going through "average teen stuff". Some people are going through more than that. Sometimes people write off the things that person is going through as "teen stuff" when it isn't. Your average teen, for instance, never tried to commit suicide, or even seriously thinks about it. They are not "cutters" either. These are things people do when there is something happening other than "puberty" happening, and it can be really belittling to have somebody say "suck it up, its just being a teenager" - when they have no clue.
2004-09-12 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeah .. sry thats not what i got out of the other one . im kinda slow at times .. but yeah i agree with u .. and what i was going through wasnt just teen stuff . so i got kinda pissed when my boyfriend said that .. but o well ..
2004-09-13 [fjdka]: i hate being called a "cutter" it pisses me off. but it releases sumthing... kind of a... *dammit* cannot explain!!
2004-09-13 [BarleySinger]: Cutting is a totally understandable and sane response to totally horrible and insane circumstances. It does not reflect badly on you, but on the things that have been done to you by others. I would encourage anyone who has so much pain in them that they do SI (self injury) to learn about it, why people do it, why you do it...because you can't solve a problem that you don't understand. Cutting is a reaction to something real. I have read a fair amount about cutting, know a number of cutters and done some self injury myself. According to both cutters and shrinks there are a number of different reasons for cutting (SI). These are a few (not all) of them :
2004-09-13 [BarleySinger]: Some people cut because they hurt so much inside that it gives them a mark on the outside for what is inside - a mark that will heal and/or a physical pain that is easier to deal with. Others do it because they are punishing themselves for things they have done. Some came from abusive backgrounds and cannot feel "right" until they have been hurt. Others do it because they are caught in an adrenal cycle of thoughts and emotions that won't stop. This could be related to a P.T.S.D. deregulation of the amigdula in the brain, where the fight or flight impulse will not stop. By cutting, these people are able to short circuit the adrenal system to stop a horrible ...
2004-09-13 [BarleySinger]: self-reinforci
2004-09-13 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: and some ppl do it for attention ...
2004-09-14 [fjdka]: i do it for pain, physical emotion IS easier to deal with. also to punish myself for things i do. i also cut be/cuz i need 2 release the emotions inside. and i agree with the whole mark on the outside/inside thing, another reason i guess. definatly NOT for attention.... i truly despise pplz that do that, cuz it sets out a bad rep for the rest of us.
2004-09-14 [*DIABOLICAL MASQUERADE*]: How can u get back your art contest that is totally deleted?
2004-09-14 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: yeah .. i know . i wasnt saying any one person did it for attention . its just .. i know ppl who do it for attention .. tho .. this person has low self eesteem(sp?) ... so she wants to be noticed and all .. ive ner cut . well . badly .. but if thought about it and all .. wow . that makes me human . yey ! . but anyway .. over the past few years ive learned to show the few emotions i have in different ways .. im not gunna give u a whole background on me . buti have a really hard showing emotions and all ... but if im depressed or something . i talk it out to a close friend . or even to my self in my mind . and/or i write how i feel ina diary .. which has actually really helped me ..
2004-09-14 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: and its easier if u find someone who u can really relate to with things like this ...
2004-09-14 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: no one can relate to me. at least lately no one could. and then this guy ive known but not really hung out with who goes to a different school than i just comes out of nowhere. so now we are great freinds. and hes my best freinds boyfreind. there is no one i value more than jon. and he has helped me more than anyone else...
2004-09-14 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: ... but the thing is, i want to help him so much like he helps me. but i cant, cause he wont open up to me. i think im the one he trusts the most... but hes still never fully open. and hes started cutting again. it makes me so sad so see that hes in just as much pain as i am... i luvs my jon and it makes me just want to cry :'(.
2004-09-14 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: wow .. well . i can actually really ralate to that roght now with my boy friend . him and eveyone tries to help . and i wish i ould do the same back .. but he wont open up to me much .. and now its even worse cuz hes prob gunna move to his sisters . cuz hes had alot of melt downs lately . and he thinks he need to get away from school and everthing ... but i need to open up more to .. and tell him about my past and all thats been getting to me .. but i hate bringing it up and all .. and there is just somehtings i dont think anyone should know right now .
2004-09-14 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: * sry for spelling . im just not in the mood to care ..
2004-09-16 [BarleySinger]: [Our Lady of Sorrow] just remember that as much as you want to help your friend that you can't force a person to open up emotionally or to heal, and that that at the the end of the day it is not your job to be his rescuer. You can be a listening ear and a friend, but the actual rescuing is something that he has to do for himself. He has to want to understand what made him this way, and to learn all he can about it, and want to recover and have a life, even though it will hurt. Nobody can do that for another person. Life just doesn't work that way. On the other hand, being able to know and express your own feelings about seeing him in pain is a very good thing.
2004-09-16 [KillKill63]: how do i join?
2004-09-17 [Hypnosia]: I Hate Myself and Want To Die
2004-09-17 [Oh! Its a Riot xx]: dont we all ? .. but ok / may i ask whats wrong?
2004-09-17 [BarleySinger]: why hate yourself when there are so many people out there more deserving of it? Like whoever has mistreated you so badly that you feel like this.
2004-09-18 [fire sign]: god...I feel like a physical contact whore...I love it I wrap someones arms around me and pretend they love me like I love them...I'm I a bad person because someones fighting and I'm trying to hide in the folds of my friends shirt?
2004-09-18 [Hypnosia]: i'm lying. i don't want to die. i want to kill those who treat me badly. :)
2004-09-18 [fire sign]: good^^
2004-09-18 [BarleySinger]: No [ bloodysuicide] you are not a bad person. I'm no shrink, but I'd say it is because you are trying to feel better by running away into the feeling of physical contact. They thing is, the pretend part is probably rather dangerous. There are a lot of dangerous people out there in the world.
2004-09-18 [BarleySinger]: Well [Hypnosia] people have often said (I have heard it a lot anyway) that anger turned inward is depression. Now that you know which way the anger should be aimed, it might make it easier for you to think about what it is that pisses you off and why people do it. After all if it is -them- who are pissing you off and not -you- it might just be something that is wrong with them that gets them to act that way. They may consider you sort of a replaceable target (as demeaning as that can be).
2004-09-18 [fire sign]: thanks.
2004-09-21 [bethbutterfly]: I have to go to court thursday, meh *pouts*
2004-09-21 [Miss.Kayree]: ......
2004-09-21 [Plague_Dog]: alright.....
2004-09-22 [Miss.Kayree]: "an empty shell.... searching for a soul"
2004-09-23 [BarleySinger]: well [bethbutterfly] frankly I think that under the circumstaces (considering that the guy getting you the beer was a convicted sex offender) getting caught by the cops was a hell of a lot better than what could easily have happened to you if you had a few more beers (and been less able to make decisions for yourself or defend yourself) - which is very probably why this guy was so willing to get you the beer. I know lots of people drink before they are "legal", but drinking is always a risky thing, and it is easier to not know WHY and HOW it is risky when you have less life experience.
2004-09-23 [bethbutterfly]: But I wasn't going to drink anymore and this guy wasn't like that. I know how you will say like "They don't always act how they are" or whatever, but we were going back to the house and I had to go home in an hour anyways, trust me, nothing would've happened. Plus, I got the whole scoop on the sex offender story, it isn't as bad as what you think.
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